Friendship- themes and supporting quotes

Themes	Supporting Quotes
Friend vs. Acquaintance- Differences and Definitions	“friendship is, um… ah, a term of endearment, basically, for a peer that means more to you than just an acquaintance” “A friend um, is somebody who is an acquaintance who provides company, but also cares about you or has some kind of vested interest in you and who cares about your wellbeing” “think a friend is somebody that you can feel free to ask to do things for you and they would be willing to receive from you, and not feel like they owe you… more of a give and take relationship” “a friend you go out of your way to get, to be around. To talk to, to reach out to, to keep that connection alive. As opposed to an acquaintance, you’re really just satisfied running into them at Wal-Mart or K-Mart once in a while” “I’ve got friends that I don’t see for years and years and years and hear from and when I do, there’s that “wow, how awesome”. You know, that connection just reappears, it realizes, it’s jazzed up again. Where’s with an acquaintance, it’s “yeah! I remember you” and you kind of figure out where you knew somebody from. But it’s not the same as a friend…we reconnect with people. Years apart. And you, we just jump right back into it. You do. It’s like a day didn’t pass. Lots of catchin’ up to do sometimes” “An acquaintance is someone you know casually like you know your husbands friends with this guys and you just know him cause he knows him. You just say hi but you don’t actually hang out or go places together or anything like that. That’s an acquaintance. You have friends that you enjoy hanging out with and doing stuff with but I think a true friendship is like a family member”
Qualities of a friend	“also cares about you or has some kind of vested interest in you and who cares about your wellbeing” “personal empathy and caring personalities” “pretty true to their word, an honest person” “Somebody who cares about you, someone you can count on” “people that you can bear your soul to… They are just happy to hear from you and they are there for you” “I also think there are friendships created from people who are very different (from you)” “they encourage you think about things in a different way” “might have very polar opposite opinions of things… rewarding to have friends who have different opinions” “not judging each other…non-judgemental” “broadens your horizons” “honesty and trust” “the level of friendship is based on that level of risk (trust) as well. There are those that are your superficial friends and there is not a lot of risk involved.  They don’t know you that very well and all those things. But, people who really know you they are the people you are most vulnerable with and you’re taking those risks” “the kind of friendships that I want to have as I get older is to have the same group of core people that know me and have known me for years. That accept me and love me and are there for everything” “you respect that person, you love that person, and you care about them and you want the best for them” “God being the ultimate example of what a friend is… very faithful… and unchanging, and who loves me regardless of what I do… despite what I do” “sometimes drop things to stop and listen, and give advice, and share an experience with you” “we tend to form friendships with people who, -­‐like our families have things in common” “a willingness to be vulnerable in a friendship is important. And I think that that creates friendship, the fact that you’re not putting up your glass front trying to impress them, you’re just being yourself, with your failings” “but you can’t expect a friend to have everything in common with you. It’s a lot about, sort of celebrating the differences, appreciating, learning from them” “sometimes I think we want people to be more like us so that we can be closer, but that would not be ideal” “there’s a mutual likeness. You know, similarity. There doesn’t need to be a lot of similarities, but enjoy each other…You don’t need to be exactly alike but you definitely have to have some things in common .And you can be opposites. In personality and style” “somebody you can count on. Day or night” “well I guess friendship is when someone is always there for you when you need em…… your going through hard times or if you really need help then they will always call on them to be there for you and doesn’t complain and Its not an inconvenience. Somebody who cares about you, kinda like family” “You legitimately care about that person. You would do anything for them and they would do anything for you” “True friends are like family” “Trustworthy… fun, happiness, enjoy each other’s company” “I cant, you know I go through life relying only on myself. To be able to say, I can rely in this person says a lot. It’s not usually my MO” “Well we have like personalities; we are not completely the same. Ummm…you can trust that person and laugh with that person and be yourself-­‐ that’s a big thing. Be yourself around that person. Again you gen enjoy being in each other’s company. Yeah you get upset with each other but… you get over it and your friends again” “trustworthy and compatible, not only shares the same interests or similar interest but may also agree to disagree with you. Maybe perhaps they don’t share the same interests necessarily. But they value what you do and support you and encourage you. They’re honest with you, if there is ever a discretion or something that may arise that they don’t agree with, they are able to be truthful and honest and caring” “They are ones who would put the mirror in front of my face, in a kind way, but realistic. I do trust them…they know if I’m being real or not. They would also be able to speak life into me. I do value what they have to say… we share a lot of commonalities…similar values and ethics.” “always been there and supportive and can read me like a book and knows if I am having an up or down day” “out of nowhere came…did all these amazing things. They have always been there…They check in on us how are we doing? They’ve helped us…They are very honest and have always been there for us not because they needed something. Just out of the goodness of their heart being friends and loving”
Degrees of association	“some people deem other people as friends at different levels of involvement than others” “relationship with someone, an intimate relationship” “most people that are dating start out as friends, and then they move into the different realm” “There are forever friends that are maybe friends from childhood or maybe they are good friends you meet in college that you can pick up and talk to them whether it has been a day, an hour or 5 years or 10 years and you can pick up right where you left off.  I think those are the people that you had some sort of significant interaction with such as going to college together or just having that lifelong friendship” “there are friendships that are over here in the now wherever you are at whether it is a job or your on vacation and you meet some new people and you hang out with them for your whole week-end. Those are your kind of here and now friends” “you have different kinds of friends at different moves, different times in your life” “it is different for everybody what that friendship consists of” “you go out and you may not know each other that well but you go out to have fun together…there are those people that you can bear your soul too.  I think that those are the people I think of as your forever friends” “the level of friendship is based on that level of risk (trust) as well. There are those that are your superficial friends and there is not a lot of risk involved.  They don’t know you that very well and all those things. But, people who really know you they are the people you are most vulnerable with and you’re taking those risks” “the kind of friendships that I want to have as I get older is to have the same group of core people that know me and have known me for years. That accept me and love me and are there for everything” “Sometimes the most precious are old friends that you’ve had for a long time… cause you’ve shared a lot of memories together” “So I think the connections are, you, they’re not necessarily forced…ever. I think forcing the connection is, isn’t as good of a friendship You know, for example, I, it’s hard for me to pick up the phone and call T….for whatever reason. Just is a different kind, a slightly different kind of friendship. You know, she wants to do lunch. She wants to do lunch every month. Hmm. Ok. But it just doesn’t happen. You know. And it doesn’t mean, it doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy her company, it just, we’re not as tight as I have other friends.” “in banking, no. Five o’clock, days over, bye. Everybody goes their own way. You, you know, you enjoy each other’s company at work, but it’s not so much the, afterhours. Like you don’t want to intrude on other people’s personal time sort of thing” “I have lots and lots of people I consider friends that I may not connect with for years on end but…on a regular, daily basis, I probably only have a handful” “Yeah you can have different friendships. You now people I enjoy hanging out with but cant rely on them if I really needed them” “Friends and family can be the same thing. A family member you have a social obligation to like each other and do things for each other, but friendship is by choice”
Differences between men and women	“women more loosely use the term friends than men do” “if you asked men to define friendships, they more associate it with people that they do stuff with…Women will use terms more like, they are supportive, they listen to me, they’re honest with me, they are whatever. Men don’t…talk about their feelings with each other as much when they are friends as women do. So, I think we look at it differently, that’s what I mean. Like if you ask a man what a friendship means, they more are like, like minds, like activities. Not emotional support, which is what women feel when they are talking about friendship” “dudes are friends with each other in other ways. Girls are more emotional with their friendships but I mean I kinda find it hard to be like a best friend with a guy being a girl you know. I find that to be alil odd because I think that different sexes treat friendships in different ways. Guys are alil bit rougher, they will get mad and puff out their chest with each other and then they will be fine. I guess maybe it can be more real” “It can be maybe less drama. I mean guys when there is a friendship whether it’s a true friendship or just a friendship or I think its less drama because they get over  it easier. Women are more emotional, you know?”
How to make friends	“people that move have a greater number of friends…the more you move, the more people you meet, and the more friends you have”  “What you see modeled. Do your parents have friends outside their marriage?  Do your brothers and sisters.  Is your family encouraged to have large groups of friends. Do your parents invite you to bring your friends home from college and from elementary and high school.  Is  your house the house that everyone hung out or did you always go to someone else’s house. This would help to cultivate those friendships” “whereas as adults we network with a large number of people, we have the means of putting ourselves in different situations, and so there is a wider variety which, then you’ve got to narrow it down and see which ones do I bond with” “I’m, ah, not good at going out and seeking new friends. So for having good friendships that sort of stand the test, the test of time, right now, it’s mostly ex- coworkers that you build up those relationships with”
How to be a friend	“I don’t think that you stop being friends if you don’t maintain contact or stay in touch, but I think your friendship changes” “if you stay in touch with the old friends then you just have more friends”  “to maintain a tight friendship you need to maintain contact with the person… You have to make an effort, friendship requires some work sometimes” “Friendships are work… They take effort.  They take being vulnerable. They take the scary stuff of life…take vulnerability, time and effort and energy”  “respect yourself. To have a good idea of who you are so you aren’t trying to compare with somebody else… A genuine person, yeah. That then you’ve got a lot more to offer to others” “that (what) we give as a friend is our joy of living… by sharing the joy that’s what enriches relationships, …and creates bonds” “its being there with them through their grief that is… maybe it’s those times that actually deepen our relationships the most. When we’re hurting together rather than, … the mountaintop happiness” “verbally say, “I really appreciate your friendship; It is an important part of my life,” and that creates a bond, a feeling of wanting to be there for them. It makes, it kind of reinforces me as a person too that she sees me as valuable and it’s a joy to be that for her and to feel that she is willing to be that friend for me” “a willingness to be vulnerable in a friendship is important” “you spend more time together and that creates memories” “you share that concern” “I see a value in discussing with my friends what our friendship means… just enjoying them more, appreciating them, being grateful” “it’s a give and take relationship. Friendship cannot be one sided” “there’s a mutual likeness. You know, similarity. There doesn’t need to be a lot of similarities, but enjoy each other” “I think I try to look out for my friends’ needs, their emotional needs, their physical needs, their fun needs. Activity needs, like sometimes you have to go shopping, and ok, let’s go!” “I suppose it’s easier to do with Facebook and all those kind of crazy things but I don’t do any of those, so my way of staying connected tends to be my annual Christmas card thing which always seems like a, a, a task that I dread but I’m always glad that I’ve done it. And I get lots and lots of responses from people that that’s the only time of year that I do hear from them” “There’s a lot of people that I consider my friend but not my true friend because I cant, you know I go through life relying only on myself. To be able to say, I can rely in this person says a lot. It’s not usually my MO” “Well we have like personalities; we are not completely the same. Ummm…you can trust that person and laugh with that person and be yourself-­‐ that’s a big thing. Be yourself around that person. Again you gen enjoy being in each other’s company. Yeah you get upset with each other but… you get over it and your friends again” “trustworthy and compatible, not only shares the same interests or similar interest but may also agree to disagree with you. Maybe perhaps they don’t share the same interests necessarily. But they value what you do and support you and encourage you. They’re honest with you, if there is ever a discretion or something that may arise that they don’t agree with, they are able to be truthful and honest and caring” “They are ones who would put the mirror in front of my face, in a kind way, but realistic. I do trust them…they know if I’m being real or not. They would also be able to speak life into me. I do value what they have to say… we share a lot of commonalities…similar values and ethics.” ““They were used to always receiving that sometimes they would expect me to always give. Or be the one to take you out or for me to be the one to take care of everything rather than be supportive. It was almost assumed that I would be that persons other leg to stand on. That would sometimes be hard and difficult but I could also see where they needed a friend. They could have sometimes been so codependent, so I would have to set boundaries and distance myself in some ways. I could still be a good friend, but with certain limitations.” “when you are pouring into someone else’s life and listening and investing it’s great when it’s reciprocated” ““out of nowhere came…did all these amazing things. They have always been there…They check in on us how are we doing? They’ve helped us…They are very honest and have always been there for us not because they needed something. Just out of the goodness of their heart being friends and loving”
Why friendship ends	“in some cases if the person changes to much then you eventually stop being friends” “you want to keep it that way (being friends) because if you don’t it eventually falls apart” “we only have time for so many friends in our modern life, with working and family commitments” “if someone does something to you sometimes your friendship can end” “to maintain a tight friendship you need to maintain contact with the person” “guess friendships last, ehhh…. because we want them to” “big regret that I have is that I moved from one country to another and so I lost that consistency with my old school friends. That I would have loved to be able to keep visiting with them, and sharing our lives as we went on, with visits”